Zumba and I

In an effort to raise my spirit and get me out of the house, my wife asked me to accompany her to one of her Zumba classes. For those who’ve been living under a rock and don’t know what Zumba is, allow me to enlighten you.

Zumba is a fitness program that’s all the rage right now. It was started way back in the 1990s by a Colombian immigrant called Alberto “Beto” Perez. Frankly, I don’t know what the big deal is about it, but what I know from experience is that it’s an hour session jam packed with loud music and atrocious dancing.

On the appointed day, I was yanked out of bed, shoved into our car and driven to the local gym by my loving wife. When we got there, I reluctantly emerged from our car and dragged my feet to the gym. The Zumba room was huge and jam-packed with women of all races, ages, shapes and sizes. On top of that, the walls had full-length mirrors so that everyone in the room could stare at their bad dancing and sweaty reflections.

Being the lone male, I positioned myself close to the exit so that I could make a run for it if someone yelled “fire!” Or if the dancing got too risqué for my taste. The last thing I wanted was my man card revoked because of allegedly dancing on an invisible pole to the rhythms of Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie.”

An eager instructor stood before us. She was fairly young and well–toned, just like the ladies on the late night fitness infomercials. The rest of us looked like we’d been rounded up from all the local fast food restaurants and dumped inside the gym. The instructor didn’t waste any time working us all to death. Before I knew it, I was belly dancing, dropping “it” like it’s hot, and shaking my “money maker.” My wife was in stitches the whole time, and that was fine with me. Hearing her laugh at my pathetic attempts to dance was worth the revocation of my man card.

Being in deportation proceedings hasn’t been easy for my wife and me. Every day is full of fear and uncertainty about our future. Most days, we both find ourselves on emotional roller-coasters, yet we consciously strive to find ways to cheer each other up. If you’re going through a really rough time, I encourage you to do a good and unselfish deed for a friend or random stranger. I promise that it will go a long way in making you feel better about yourself and your situation.

An Immigration Bill Has Emerged!

Exactly a year after I was put in deportation proceedings, an immigration bill has emerged. Drafted by 8 Senators known as the Gang of 8, the Border Security Economic Opportunity and Immigration Modernization Act (phew, what a mouthful!) just might save me and others from getting deported…that’s if it is speedily passed and signed into law.

Immediately after being signed into law, the Department of Homeland security will have six months to come up with a plan to secure the US borders. I wish them luck. Meanwhile, the government will take those 6 months to prepare for the barrage of applications from undocumented immigrants desiring Registered Provisional Immigrant (RPI) status.

If eligible, we’ll all be allowed to live and work legally in the US, as well as travel outside of the country. We would also have to pay about $2,000 in fines over a 10y-year period. Learning English, taking a civics test and paying back taxes (if the IRS says we owe them) would also be requirements. The bill states that for 10 years, we will not be able to access the same federal benefits we never had access to in the first place. After 10 years of not joining a gang and not driving drunk, both of which would be grounds for deportation, we’ll then be able to apply for a green card. 3 years after that, we’d be allowed to petition for citizenship.

Those who came into the country after December 31, 2011, are simply out of luck and, when caught, will be processed and deported. The rest of us will have to prove that we have  lived continuously in the US since we got here, and we will have about a year to come out of the “shadows” and apply for RPI status.

If, like me, you are in removal proceedings, or have been ordered deported, have no fear. You, too, will be eligible to apply for RPI status, if you’re still around when the bill is passed. This is why it is wise to buy more time. If, at present, you haven’t yet been ordered deported, tell your lawyer to ask the judge to delay your deportation on the grounds that you are eligible for RPI status. Another thing that will come as a relief for many undocumented immigrants is that those who made false claims to US citizenship, misrepresented themselves or committed fraud will be given waivers. In other words, they’ll be forgiven!

The path to legality and, eventually , to citizenship won’t be easy. To quote Senator Bob Menendez, one of the authors of the bill, “This is a long pathway. It is a long pathway, but it is an achievable pathway.”

A year ago this month, when I was face to face with two ICE agents, the words Immigration Reform weren’t even in my vocabulary. A year later, I eat and breathe immigration reform. So much has happened so fast! Because of that, I’m hopeful that someday, somehow my deportation will be halted, and that this bill, which is still a bill and not yet law, will find its way into President Obama’s hands. I’m hopeful that it will be signed into law, making me and millions like me beneficiaries of immigration reform.

Visiting New Mexico: The Land of Enchantment.

The day after I got caught by Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents, my wife and I boarded a plane and headed to the state of New Mexico. We needed to get away from our new reality, even though it was for just a couple of days.

We landed in the beautiful desert city of Albuquerque, rented a car and headed straight to our hotel room to rest and relax. Being uncertain about our fate and future made us very scared. We knew that if we didn’t come up with a plan as soon as possible, we’d be in deep doodoo.

The next day my wife and I had complimentary breakfast in the hotel lobby. There, we listed down every single one of our worldly possessions. We discussed and deliberated over what we needed to get rid of and what we needed to sell. Both our dream cars had to go. No more romantic dinners at our favorite French restaurant and no more shopping at fancy clothing stores. Whether we liked it or not, the time had come for us to buckle down and live on a tight budget. The era of living large was over and a life of penury had just been ushered in, thanks to the good folks at ICE.

Allow me to geek out for a second. The artist Georgia Totto O’Keeffe is, in my humble opinion, one of the greatest painters to ever grace God’s green earth. She resided in Taos and, later, Santa Fe, New Mexico, where she painted stunning landscapes and flowers. A lot of her work has been put up in an amazing museum in Santa Fe.

Visiting the Georgia O’Keeffe museum was a major priority for me, so my wife and I took a one-hour pilgrimage to pay it a visit. We rolled into Santa Fe, former home of the Pueblo Indians, full of excitement and anticipation. Almost all the modern buildings had flat roofs and were made of concrete, wood and adobe, just like the Pueblo Indians made them back in the day. After getting lost and sidetracked for hours (because asking for directions is for sissies), we finally found the Georgia O’Keeffe Museum.

I was giddy as a kid on Christmas morning when I entered the museum. After paying the entry fee, I bolted towards the gallery where O’Keeffe’s work was said to be exhibited, only to find it closed for renovation! Instantly, tears began to roll down my face and I broke down. I felt like nothing was working out for me and, on top of that, I was terrified that my future would probably be full of pain and suffering.

A couple of months later, my luck took a turn for the better, and my wife and I were able to hop into our ride and take a 13-hour drive back to Santa Fe. This time, I got to see every single one of Georgia O’Keeffe’s works. It was a breathtaking experience.

On our drive back to the Lone Star State, we also got to witness a double rainbow, which was, to me, a sign that in the midst of these stormy circumstances, there were gonna be moments of beauty and respite. And no matter where I ended up, I was going to be just fine.

Cooking My Way Through My Deportation.

Before I got married, I was totally incompetent in the kitchen. I was so bad that I wasn’t even allowed to boil water.  After walking down the aisle, my wife encouraged me to learn my way around our kitchen. It wasn’t long before I began cooking complicated meals like fried eggs, homemade potato fries and even mac & cheese!

After the “visitation” by 2 uninvited ICE agents, our small grocery budget was cut in half. This little snafu hasn’t stopped me from channeling Chef Gordon Ramsay and making the occasional fancy meal for my wife. So without any further ado, I, Chef Sorabji Swaraj (cough cough), will share with you my favorite Tilapia recipe:

 

// Sorabji’s Deportation Tilapia Bruschetta//

Serves 2-4 humans

Ingredients
4 Tilapia Fillets
1 lemon
Basil
Olive oil
sea salt and pepper
Cherry Tomatoes
Garlic
Cheddar Cheese (or your favorite cheese)

Method

Preheat you oven to 350ºF. Smear olive oil onto a casserole dish or aluminum pan and then slap your tilapia fillets on it. Don’t crowd the dish. Drizzle lemon juice all over the fillets and then season them with salt and pepper. Cover and place the dish in the fridge.

Slice the cherry tomatoes in half, chop the basil and as many garlic cloves as you can stand. Put them all into a bowl, drizzle olive oil over them and mix. Top the Tilapia fillets with your stunning mix, then throw it all into the preheated oven for about 25 minutes.

Check your email, surf the interwebs, and read my blog for those 25 minutes.

Take out the dish or pan and sprinkle plenty of cheese on that sucker. Put it back into the oven for 7 minutes or until the cheese is melted.

Serve with a salad, rosemary potatoes (one of my favorites), or basmati rice. I’ve found that this meal pairs well with Champagne, Gewurztraminer or any light white or red wine. ENJOY!

3 Things To Do For Someone Who’s Being Deported.

If you know someone who is going through deportation and don’t know what to do for them, today is your lucky day. Here are 3 things you can do that will go a long way in alleviating the stress and strain that they are most likely going through.

1. Take care of their groceries: People who are in deportation proceedings aren’t meant to work and this makes it really hard for them to find the money to feed their families. Getting them a reloadable money card and regularly putting money in it, is a good way of helping them with their groceries.

2. Ask what you can do to help: Nothing is more tragic than a person who helps others by giving them what he or she thinks they need, instead of asking them what they really need. If you don’t know what to do for a person who is being deported, ask them what their needs are. Don’t assume you know what they are.

3. Listen: When you ask them how they are doing, please listen to their reply. A call, a text or a quick visit to check up on them will go a long way in making them feel loved and wanted.

Honorable mention: Paying their rent, giving them money, praying for them, driving them to the immigration court or to see their deportation officer and similar acts of kindness will most likely make their day.

5 Tips On How To Prepare For Immigration Reform

Like many of the undocumented, I’m anxious to know how soon the immigration bill will be passed. I also am curious to find out whether I’ll benefit from it by getting to stay, work and live legally in the US. As far as I know, nobody knows what the bill looks like, nor the exact day it will be passed.

What I know is that the American people want the immigration system to be fixed. They also want the 11 million of us to be legalized. As we wait for the most unproductive Congress since the 1940s to get productive and pass the immigration bill, here are a few things we, the undocumented, need to begin doing:

1. Start shopping for a real immigration lawyer. Beware of _­fake immigration consultants posing as lawyers. These lawyer wannabes are also known in español as “notarios“. A simple way of finding out whether an immigration lawyer is legit, is by asking them to show you their law license. Don’t be shy; you have the right to ask. A real lawyer won’t take your question personally. In fact, they’ll be more than happy to show you their hard-earned law license. If you don’t know where to start, check out my blog post on How to Pick an Immigration Lawyer.
2. Don’t apply or pay for any “legalization” benefit. The comprehensive immigration bill has not yet passed, so ignore anyone who hands you a “legalization” form or tries to convince you to fill it for a fee. Avoid those forms like the plague.
3. Collect and organize every single document you can find. Gather every document that shows you have lived in the US continuously. Then put them in a folder, in a safe, or underneath your mattress. Here are examples of documents you need to gather: Tax returns, drivers license, records of residence, bank records, proof that you have been to the doctor etc. Make sure you put them all in chronological order.
4. Save Money. Chances are you will need to hire a lawyer to navigate the confusing immigration hoops that the government will have you jump before making you legal. You may also have to pay fines as well as USCIS application fees. It’s really important to start saving money because you will surely need it.
5. Learn English. Some, like me, don’t think it should be compulsory for everyone to learn to speak “American,” but I know from experience that learning English will increase your chances of being successful. Being proficient in English will also make you an asset to your community. If you cannot afford to get an English tutor, simply become a member of your local public library and check out English as a Second Language (ESL) materials. By the way, library membership is free!  Click HERE to find your local public library.

The inspirational author H. Jackson Brown Jr. once said, “The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.” It’s really hard to prepare for something that might or might not happen, but doing the best you possibly can will only set you up for success, if and when congress passes the immigration bill.

Times, they really are a-Changin.

For years, anti-immigration groups like NumbersUSA, Federation for American Immigration Reform (FAIR), and The Center for Immigration Studies (CIS)* have been using fear to keep the undocumented in this country mute and afraid. By spewing out slanted statistics, and xenophobic rhetoric, they have been very effective in brainwashing gullible citizens to dislike the undocumented.

 My favorite folk singer, Bob Dylan, sang a song called  Times, “They are a-Changin’.” Indeed, the Bobster was right. Times they are a-changing for the 11 million of us who are undocumented.

On the 5th of this month, House Republicans and Democrats held a hearing to wrap their minds around this immigration “issue.” The session was interrupted by a group of young protesters called Dreamers, who repeatedly chanted, “Undocumented and unafraid!” This act of defiance is emblematic of the sentiments many young undocumented immigrants in this country have. We’re tired of being used, but seldom appreciated. We’re also tired of being afraid, and we’re willing to come out into the open to speak our minds, despite the consequences.

Anti-immigration fanatics (you know yourselves) know that we are all onto them. The American people are no longer buying their tripe. These clowns now seem scared and shaken, and they ought to be because the time has come for the undocumented to be acknowledged, appreciated and helped.

In 2007 President George W. Bush brought forward a bill to legalize undocumented immigrants. Sadly, his bill fell 14 votes short of the 60 that he needed to push toward a final vote. Fast forward to 2013 and everyone, except those who have been living under a rock, agrees that the immigration system is broken. NOW is the time to fix it through comprehensive immigration reform.

So to those who are asking me and my compatriots to self-deport back to México, even though many of us aren’t from México, we have this to say to you: We are no longer afraid. Either join us, or get out of our way because immigration reform will happen this time. Whether you like it or not. Times, they really are a-changin’.

* http://www.humanlifereview.com/index.php/component/content/article/68-2012-fall/205-hijacking-immigration

The Big Leak.

Last month, a White House snitch leaked a draft of the president’s immigration bill to the press. Everyone, including me, wanted to know what was in it. First of all, I’ve got to say that this leak is, by far, the most pathetic leak in the history of leaks. The fact that the White House had an “Oh well, these things happen” response, instead of flipping out and firing everyone and every thing in the White House, makes me suspect that the leak was indeed intentional.

So what was the big deal about the leaked bill? The leaked bill was a big deal to me because it gave me a rough insight into what the final immigration bill might look like. There is a chance, a great chance that both the Senate and House immigration bills will look somewhat similar to the president’s.

According to Obama’s bill, we, the 11 million, will be called “Lawful Prospective Immigrants” (LPIs) once we come out of the so-called shadows and apply for a visa to stay in the U.S. I hate being called names but I must say “Lawful Prospective Immigrant” has a really sexy ring to it. It’s better than being called an “illegal,” whatever that means.

To become an LPI one would have to be in the US on the day the bill is passed. Also, he or she would need to be an upright non-citizen and not a criminal. If the president’s bill is passed (and I’m not holding my breath), everyone in removal proceedings, including me, will be eligible to become an LPI. Even if an undocumented immigrant was busted for ducking in and out of the border after being deported, they, too, would be in luck. According to the bill, they, too, could apply to become “Lawful Prospective Immigrants”.

As an LPI club member, I would be able to work legally and would finally be able to travel out of the country. The only stipulation would be that I wouldn’t be able to stay outside of the US for longer than six months. The LPI visa would have to be renewed after four years. If I had wives and children in my home country, my LPI status would allow me to start petitioning for all of them to come and join me in the land of burgers and Beyoncé. The downside to this bill is that LPIs would have to wait in the back of the line for 8 years to get a green card and an additional 5 years to become US citizens. That’s assuming that the government pulls up their socks and swiftly takes care of the green card backlog, which currently has over 4 million applicants.

The leaked bill also talked about the dreaded worker verification system commonly known as E-Verify. The draft proposes that companies would have to E-Verify all their new hires and current employees within four years. This, I’m sure, is sending chills down the spines of many employers as well as undocumented immigrants who have been working on the downlow for years. I suspect that many immigrants may lose their jobs and those that don’t may be viewed as untrustworthy, once their status is revealed. As much as this reform is going to be a relief to many (and trust me we really need to be reformed), there is a high chance that that it may also lead to job loss, damaged friendships and shattered lives.

In the end, those great activists and politicians who fought on our behalf will pass the ball to us and expect us not to drop it. It’s incumbent upon us immigrants to start thinking of how we’ll deal with the inevitable changes that will take place in our lives and communities, if the immigration bill is passed.

What’s Your Game Plan?

Let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that the Democrats and Republicans in Congress had a kumbaya moment and passed the immigration reform bill. If that happened, what would your game plan be? Presently, nobody quite knows how the reform bill will look. However, there are about four things that people predict you and I will have to deal with if, or when, the bill is signed into law.

1. Coming out. This is probably going to be the hardest and scariest decision you’ll have to make because of its consequences. There are many ‘what if’s’ that you will need to ask yourself: “What if I’m forced to tell my employer that I used fake documents to get the job?” “How will I go about paying my back taxes?” “If I come out and fail to pass any one of the many requirements they have, will I be deported?” “Do I have the money to pay fines as well as possible attorney fees?” “What will my friends and family members say when they learn that I’m undocumented?” These, among many other questions, should be considered before you decide to come out of the shadows.

2. Fines. We will probably have to pay a fine of some kind. Let’s face it, we broke the law and since this is not 1986 and our president is not Ronald Reagan, I doubt that someone is going to walk up to us, thank us for being undocumented and then give us Amnesty. Though we don’t know how much the fines will be, my guess is that unless Congress does away with the “fine the illegals” idea, the fines will be anywhere from $1-$2,000 a person. It’s important to consider the paying of fines as a possibility and figure out where you will find the money to pay them.

3. Temporary visas. We may or may not get a renewable temporary visa to stay and work legally in this country. My hope is that we’ll get green cards and that we won’t have to leave the US for the visas or green cards to be processed. Leaving of course would mean more spending in order to become legal. The truth of the matter is that most of us aren’t rich and it would be nice if Congress did us a kindness and really put that into consideration as they work on the immigration bill.

4. Waiting and waiting and waiting. Waiting is something that we immigrants are used to. Some of us have waited patiently for decades, with the hope that the American people would officially acknowledge our existence and toil to legalize us. If lawmakers like the “Gang of Eight” and Marco Rubio have their way, we’ll all be required to go to the back of the Green Card line. This line still has individuals in it who applied to come to the US way back in the 80s. That was when parachute pants were in, and bangs that reached for the heavens were said to be “totally rad.” The way the current immigration system works, it may take us a couple of centuries to get the papers needed to live and work legally in the US. Congress needs to figure out a way to speed up the Green Card process. Otherwise, they would be letting us die of thirst at the side of the fountain.

If congress passes the immigration reform bill, we’ll all be able to hit the reset button of our lives. We’ll finally be free! We won’t need to look over our shoulder for ICE agents or freak out when someone knocks on our door. We’ll be able to tell the whole truth about ourselves to anyone and everyone, and we’ll no longer be preyed on because of our undocumented status.

There is no better day than today for you to be strong and courageous. It’s time you worked on a game plan just in case Congress does the right thing and allows us to live and work legally in this great country.

 

Meeting Your Deportation Officer

Here are 7 things you need to consider or do before you meet your Deportation Officer (DO) for the very first time.

1. Arrive early: You’re probably not going to be the only person reporting to the Deportation Officer, so find out what time the offices open and try and get there at least 30 minutes earlier.

2. Confirm the office location: Make sure you know the exact location of the place where you are meant to report. You can find this out here: http://www.ice.gov/contact/ero/. Also, call the number underneath the address to confirm that it’s the location you’re meant to report to.

3. Leave electronics in your car: Some buildings require the people in deportation proceedings to be searched and then pass through metal detectors. I really hate this process. It’s a pain in the gluteus maximus but what can you do? It’s best to leave your electronics in your car. By electronics, I mean Cell phones, iPods, iPads, Walkmans, boom boxes, record Players, etc.

4. Carry your documents & ID: Make sure you carry your Drivers License or some form of ID with you. The officer may ask to see it if that is your first visit. He or she will also ask to see your deportation papers, so it would be kinda nice if you took them with you. The meetings are typically really short; it’s the wait that takes an eternity. So far I have had 2 meetings with my Deportation Officer and they have each lasted a maximum of 5 minutes.

5. Carry a book: Is there a 900-page book you have been dying to read? Take it with you, you will probably need it because of the wait. Here are some suggestions:  Atlas Shrugged, Gone with the Wind, or something you can identify with, like Les Misérables. If you have an antisocial disposition, then a pair of shades and earplugs will come in handy, just in case the guy or gal sitting next to you has the urge to talk your ear off.

6. Parking fee: I haven’t had to pay for parking yet, but carrying some extra cash won’t hurt.

7. Be nice: On your first visit, you will probably find something to be pissed off about. I know I did. When you get pissed off, I implore you to try and keep your anger to yourself. I hate to break it to you, but as a person in deportation proceedings, you pretty much have very few rights. Don’t exacerbate your situation by giving the officers a reason to make your life miserable.

Now that you have considered those seven things, here is a breakdown of what I have seen happen whenever I visited my Deportation Officer. Your experience will probably differ from mine, but this is how it typically goes down when your name gets called: After you hand your ID and Deportation papers to the officer, he or she will put your information into his or her computer.

You will then be asked if you live at the same location that’s on your deportation papers. It is best to always keep Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) updated every time you move to a new place of residence. They not only want to keep tabs on you, they also want to know where to send important documents that pertain to your deportation.

Here is a link to the form you need to fill if or when you have to move (http://1.usa.gov/ZOAdMQ). The officer will also call the immigration court’s toll free phone number (1-800-898-7180) to find out whether or not your first court date has been set. After that, he or she will give you the date of your next visit and then send you on your merry way.

So there you have it. Those were the 7 things I wish someone had told me before I met my Deportation Officer for the very first time. I hope they give you an idea of what to expect when you go there. I wish you well on your first meeting with your DO.